.

"Bella, please just show me what it looks like it can't be that bad. I do know what I'm doing."

"I'm starting to think that this whole thing was a really bad idea, Ali"

This dressing room has just become my worst nightmare, my torture. A sea of clothes surrounded me, confining me in these four walls, taunting me, letting me know that they have won and I was about to fail and give up. I stood directly in front of the mirror fearing the person on the other side. She was staring at me like a lion does its prey and she was ready to attack. Just 10 hours ago I stood in front of a full-length mirror just like this one saying my goodbyes, but now I was about to say hello again.

"Bella. Please let me in," Alice whispered as she knocked softly on the stall door, "Please?"

I grunted as I unlocked my prison cell and slumped roughly down in the black chair that was positioned exactly in the corner of the dressing room. Which, perfectly enough, is where I belonged in this moment, the corner.

"Bella? Please don't do this." She sighed as she entered the room and shut the door behind her. "We're almost done. Look." She said as she sat down next to me and pulled the folded list that she so delicately named "The Cherry Bomb List" from her pocket. I took it, despite the feelings of disgust I now held for the roughed up piece of paper. I really didn't feel like re-reading everything that I had to do in order to not be the good girl.

So far about 10 things were crossed out and only 3 remained: New Attitude; which I wasn't sure what that all entailed, A New Hairstyle; which I was actually happy about doing, and A New Wardrobe; which I was trying to accomplish right now. I was on my third outfit: grey tight fitted jeans, a sequined tank, paired with some bright pink boots, and some jewelry. I didn't like it at all. I looked different like I was trying to hard. Right when I wander through those halls at school everyone was clearly going to notice, I was going to be the target once again. I realized at this second I was having a moment of insecurity, of gullibility, and a hint of self doubt, and I needed to find a way out of this crazy plan.

"Ali," I said sitting up to face her and bringing myself out of my secret thoughts. "I think this was a little too much, a little too soon. I don't think I can pull this off. Walking into school is going to be like walking down death row, straight to my death sentence. Right when they see me looking like this, they aren't ever going to leave me alone."

"Looking like what?" she said in a stern voice. "Bella, you look hot! You're going to knock those bitches off their feet and those bastards to their knees. You need to give yourself more credit. I know Charlie wouldn't want to see you doubt yourself and give up on something that you want to do, that you said you needed to do. This is your time Bells. Don't let fear or insecurity get in the way of that. Just think of The Bitch Squads' faces when they see you in this, they won't ever mess with you again." Alice said with a sly smirk dancing silently across her lips. "But, your right, maybe we should quit. Maybe it would be better if we forgot about this whole thing and..."

Alice knew what she was doing, she was trying that reverse psychology thing that her dad, Dr. Cullen, told her about. He was a the towns psychologist, and he was my mom's therapist there for a while after Charlie died.

"No." I yelled not letting her finish that dreadful sentence. Alice was right I had to this, I needed to do this, because if I didn't I would not only be letting Charlie down but I would be letting myself down. Charlie wouldn't want me to give up, he wouldn't like it if he saw me on the edge of a breakdown in a small dressing room with my thoughts only consumed with doubt. He raised me to be strong and to never let fear step over its boundaries. I personally wanted to see The Bitch Squad watch me walk through those halls with confidence and fearing me for a change. I stood up and took another glance at myself and then turned around to face Alice.

"Your right, I need to do this. I've come to far in that ridiculous "Cherry Bomb List" of yours to give up now."

"Thats right! So you ready you badass cherry bomb?" She said as she jumped from the chair and opened the dressing room door.

"I'm ready." I said as Alice left the dressing room and I started to undress and put my old clothes back on.

I grabbed the list from the chair and stuck it in my back pocket. I was ready to give myself an ultimatum. Either I was going to walk out of this store a changed person for good or I was going to walk out the same girl that walked in. I could feel myself wanting more. Wanting something other than what I have now. I didn't want the saying "caged bird" applied to my life anymore. I wanted to be the one that flies away and realizes that there is more to life then I already know, because so far I didn't know much about life. The only thing I did know is that in this moment of realization I was going to walk out of this store with my head held high and leave "Bella Swan, The Good Girl" behind me, for good.

We finally got shopping and new hairstyle crossed off "The Cherry Bomb List". I bought at least 6 new outfits, which were all paid with paychecks that I've saved up for weeks. I was thrilled to walk out of those salon doors with my hair back to its dark warm brown color. I even got choppy layers with a side-swept bang,which was hopefully going to improve my bad girl status. I was surprised when Ali decided to get her haircut with me. I was even more surprised when she cut it short bob style. Which looked really great on her, she looked like a cute little pixie. Right when we made it to Alice's we ran straight to her room but managed to say a quick hello to Dr. Cullen and her giant bear of a brother Emmett,who was Alice's twin even though they looked nothing a like. I sadly might still have a little crush on Emmett, well I had one ever since Freshmen year. We laid out our sleeping bags on her bedroom floor, pulled out the junk food and magazines, and watched some girly movies so she could teach me attitude.

"What do you mean, I'm still a virgin?" I gasped as I popped in the third and final movie of the night, Mean Girls.

"I mean just because you touched a penis doesn't mean you had sex." Alice stated as she nonchalantly grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bag.

I didn't understand. This whole time I've been walking around thinking that I was no longer a virgin,that I was finally rid of the virgin curse. I remember that horrible day too.

Mike and I were the last ones out of Choir and he asked me if I wanted to see something cool. So he dragged me with his sweaty hands to the back room where they kept the sheet music and the piano and told me to turn around, so I did. I think I as more surprised that a guy was actually talking to me even if it was Mike Newton. When he was done doing whatever he was doing he told me ok and thats when I turned around and saw his tiny penis sticking out from the hole of his boxers. I couldn't control my impulses though, so I walked forward and touched it a couple of times and white stuff shot out. I freaked out and ran out of the class, mortified beyond belief. He's tried to talk to me many times after that but I just always ignored him.

"But I touched it, doesn't that count for something?"

"No, not really. Did you stroke it or anything?"

"Uh, no. I kinda just poked it."

"You poked it?"

"Yeah, I poked it"

"Wow, Bell."

"What is that bad or something?"

"Yes, it means that you have no experience, at all. We are going to have to fix that."

She said as she pulled out the list that was now in her bag and she most likely wrote down; "Teach Bella to properly poke a penis."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me this before Bella. It's actually pretty funny." She laughed as she grabbed another handful of popcorn.

"I don't think its funny, it's mortifying." I said as I shifted around in my purple sleeping bad, trying to rid the images of my juvenile behavior out of my head.

"So are you nervous," Alice asked me as she grabbed the popcorn and set it on her nightstand.

"A little bit, yeah." I confessed but deep down I was terrified.

"Just remember what I told you. If The Bitch Squad comes up to you and starts threatening you, what are you going to say?"

"Slut?" I couldn't really remember everything that she told me since we went over this little part in her yellow Porsche as we were driving home from the salon. We took her car since my Volvo was in the shop.

"No, thats only if they call you a bitch."

"Umm. Oh. Fuck off?"

"Yes. See that wasn't so bad. I know you say shit sometimes, fuck shouldn't be that hard Bella."

Shit just sometimes slipped out, since I hung out with Alice a lot and her mouth was a landfill of curse words. So I picked up on that one, but none of the others. She made it sound so simple though. Everything she did seemed like it naturally came to her, probably because she was already like that and she didn't have to try as hard as I'm having to.

"We should probably go to bed since we're waking up at 6 again."

"Ali? Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously. I'm going to have to do a lot of work on you in the morning. We need all the time we can get," she said as she started to shut off her flat screen, and DVD player.

"Fine." I agreed as I fluffed my pillow and quietly said a pray so I can make it through the day tomorrow and not take off crying.

We both said our goodnights and slowly but surely I fell into a peaceful slumber and dreaded what was awaiting me tomorrow.